So as it turns out I wasn't so much having good vacation karma as it was the calm before the storm. The past two weeks have been so insanely hectic and full of stress and drama that I have routinely been pinching myself convinced that at any moment I would be waking up from the world's worst nightmare.
For those who have been asking all has gone well post recovery from the Great Kidney Swap of '07. Missy's new kidney is flushing and filtering and her creatinine levels are the best they have been in about 4 years. So hooray for a thus far productive kidney swap.
This is actually a photo taken the night before the surgery. I didn't take any while she was in ICU because seriously, if someone took my picture looking like that I would have them hunted down and killed in the most brutal manner possible. I do know where to draw the line people, at least most of the time.
I do have a few tips for anyone who may be helping a loved one through this process in the future.
1. Whatever is your vice or guilty pleasure that gets you through difficult times, stock up on lots of it. When you think you have plenty, buy more. You will never have too much highly caffeinated beverage with crushed ice, indulgent supply of candy, or past issues of People to get you through the long hours and nights in the hospital. You might be tempted to think those long hours and nights are all about the actual person getting the kidney but if you aren't happy and calm it's really hard to keep them happy and calm.
2. Forget looking cute and go for comfort. Having the foresight of spending multiple days in the hospital with the potential of meeting single and soon to be wealthy doctors I packed outfits that would show off how lovely I would look at country club gatherings. Stupid. Seriously, I now know why scrubs were invented.
3. Speaking of scrubs pay attention to them. From my highly scientific research I found that those nurses who dress in fun whimsical prints will be your friend. They will sneak you into the snack closet, let you in before visiting time, let you stay past visiting time, and will hook you up with a cozy blanket when you're freezing your grits off because the one with the new kidney insists that her room be cold enough to cause a snow storm. The ones wearing solid colored boring scrubs are all about rules and regulations. They don't answer questions. They don't like you, the patient, or the fact that make jokes about wishing you had a morphine pump. Avoid these nurses but be careful they smell fear and will use it against you.
As if running all over the hospital for a week wasn't enough drama this past week nearly sent me over the edge. We had our beginning of the year staff meetings which includes all of our staff across the entire state. This year we are celebrating our 20th anniversary so I was on the committee for the big celebration dinner. I was in charge of creating a slide show with pictures from the past 20 years set to music. Not a problem, I had the ability to make it. I did it. It was tender and sure to bring tears and laughter. Except I woke up Monday morning with the plan to burn it to a CD and head into the office but that never happened. For whatever buggy reason I could NEVER get it to burn correctly. I had put way to much time and effort into this slide show to just give up. I spent about an hour with tech support for the people who make the program, I called techy people, I prayed for the computer. Seriously, I saw Legacy*. If the Lord could heal that ox, I figured my computer wasn't to far fetched. I tried everything.
Finally after hours of frustration and panic I unplugged my entire desktop, loaded into my car, and took it to work. On my way to the office I contacted a friend who gave me some ideas to try and get the file from my desk top to the laptop for that night's presentation. After spending another 2 hours at work trying those ideas I gave up. So just as a recap, I took apart my desk top, loaded into my car, unloaded it at the office, hooked it up, took it back apart and loaded it back into my car, unloaded it at the location of the anniversary dinner, put it back together, took it back apart and loaded it back into my car to take home, and got home to unload it and put it back together on my desk. I am so buying a laptop.
All of that for a 13 minute slide show. I spent more hours trying to get that damn thing burned to a CD than I spent actually putting it together. The wasted time wouldn't have bothered me so much except that I desperately needed those hours to work on the four hour training that I was responsible for giving the staff on Wednesday morning. To make Monday even more FANTASTIC, I arrived home that night around 10:00 walked into my house to find it FLOODED. Enter melt down mode. I was already completely exhausted from the week before, additional exhaustion from the panic and stress of the morning's antics, freaking out because I had not been able to work on my presentation, and now there was an inch of water in my entry way and laundry room, and my carpet about 5 feet into my living room and hallway were soaked.
The maintenance crew claimed it was from the power washing the outside of the building that day. This would be the second (and not last) time I have arrived home to find such a glorious welcome home. The first time they claimed it was a really heavy rain storm. I could never quite figure it out, but whatever. The next day they sent someone over to suck up the water and clean the carpet. I still had to deal with the damage but things could always be worse.
Oh yes, they can be worse. Here is where it gets super fun. I picked up what I thought was a cold staying in the hospital. Makes sense being around all those germs. The cold turned out to be more of a severe allergy flair up triggering my asthma in a big way. Seeing as how when my asthma is triggered I can't breathe and all, and cough like a girl refusing her TB meds, and as always I start to lose my voice I was thrilled. Even with my inhaler I find the more I talk the more I cough and the more I cough the faster I lose my voice. Well, you might recall several raging paragraphs ago I mentioned I was doing a F.O.U.R. H.O.U.R. training for the entire staff on Wednesday. Via nothing short of a miracle not only did I find the hours in the day to finish preparing my presentation but I actually made it through the presentation without hacking up a lung or collapsing into heap on the floor while turning blue and praying for the angel of mercy to relieve me from this mortal tomb called earth. I did eventually lose my voice but thankfully it happened after the presentation.
After a highly eventful few days I was really looking forward to a relaxing weekend. I came home Friday evening around 7 to find my home flooded again. Who power washes the same building twice in a week? After chucking my purse across the room and stomping around using every creative four letter word I could spew out of my barely audible voice I called maintenance. I mean honestly twice in one week this was more than ridiculous. Thankfully by 9:00 they had someone back out to suck the water out of the carpet again and this week they will be washed again. Nothing like musty wet carpet to help a woman in respiratory distress. I think based on the letter I have written to the management I might get slightly more than my carpets cleaned as compensation this go around.
So there you have it. The insanity that is my so called life. The reason why I currently look like a zombie, have serious black bags under my eyes, and deserve for someone to send me flowers to work just because they love me and I am great. Not that I am dropping any hints or anything.
* For the record I am in no way endorsing the viewing of this movie. In fact, this movie shames me and my religion. If you like it, I don't want to hear about it. If I never see this movie again, it will be Zion to me.
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