Feb 11, 2008

The Tender Mercies of the Lord

"But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance” 1 Nephi 1:20

I speak of my religion and my faith here in a fairly casual manner. I am not ashamed of my beliefs but it’s not often that I feel a desire to write about personal and deeply spiritual matters. However, my situation over the past week needs to be documented, and I hope I can share it in a manner that will do justice to the situation. It’s one thing to write for comedic relief and another to express deeply personal feelings and experiences.

On January 30th my dearest friend Fran gave birth to beautiful twins Andrew and Caroline. Up until 3 days prior, baby girl was still head up and they couldn’t promise that a C-section wouldn’t occur. Thankfully both babies ended up head down and were delivered vaginally. Fran brought these amazingly beautiful children into the world to join a family of three exuberant little girls ages 5, 4, and almost 2. Yes, that means the twins make this family a family of 5 children all ages 5 and under. You can imagine the lovable chaos the births made for this family.

Last Monday as I left work I began thinking of Fran and decided to call to see if she needed any extra hands putting the older girls to bed. We have a close relationship so I knew helping out would be a treat for the girls as well as a relief for Fran. Selfishly I knew it would also give me a chance to squeeze on some precious newborn chubba legs. Fran and Eric welcomed my call and immediately and eagerly accepted my willingness to come over and lend a hand.

That night after tucking the girls into bed I helped with laundry, squeezed some new born chubba legs, and helped Fran sort through the variety of goods that come in a newborn kit from the hospital, including several samples of formula. I made a special spot in the kitchen for “just in case” even though Fran was actively nursing. After wrapping up Andrew and Caroline into baby burritos I headed for home but not without planning to return again the next night.

Tuesday night I arrived and quickly fell into the night time routine of getting the older girls into bed. Shortly after they were asleep I was working on burping Andrew, which as a side is the stingiest burper of all time. Eric was feeding Caroline, and Fran went to the back to pump. After pumping Fran came out and made an off hand comment about having shooting pains in her left arm. Immediately the thought of heart attack crossed my mind, but I pushed it out because first, Fran is 29 and second, she followed the comment up with that she must have just laid on it weird while pumping.

After attempting a few stretches on her arm, Fran began to find herself short of breath and having weird heart palpitations. She took four ibuprofen and went to rest in the back, but within about 2 minutes she was calling out for her husband and he called 911. I stayed with the twins, and Eric and EMS attended to Fran in the back of the house. As I cuddled the twins the house began to fill up with a variety of emergency medics. There must have been ten medics which is even more significant if you know the size of Fran and Eric’s two bedroom student housing, SMALL is putting it mildly. I found myself holding tight to the babies while saying a silent prayer for Fran, the medical people, and for the older girls to stay sleeping soundly in their room. The noise seemed deafening and I couldn’t even imagine the fear that would have overcome the girls if they had walked out to see their home full of strangers and their mother collapsed in pain crying.

After providing Fran oxygen and running a few tests the medics decided that Fran had two options either go into the emergency room or follow up with her doctor the next day. One medic encouraged Fran to go to the ER because of the unrelenting pain in her left arm while the other was pretty convinced that Fran had suffered a panic attack and hyperventilated, after all she is a young mother of five children. Eric and Fran opted for the ride in the ambulance. At this point it’s about 10 pm and the twins are ready for another feeding. I stayed at the house and let Eric go with his wife. Thankfully, because of my help the night before, I knew where the few samples of formula were kept and where to find the bottles.

Again, I began to utter many prayers. Prayers for the babies too eat their formula and drink easily from a bottle. Prayers for Fran too be healed, protected, and calmed. Prayers for Eric too remain calm in supporting his wife. Prayers for the medical personal too be awake, alert, inspired, and intuitive in her care. Prayers for me too know what to do to help this family in need. I felt reassurance a peace, calm, and clarity of which I haven’t felt before but overcame my body, my mind, and my spirit. That night was a long one feeding the twins every two hours and preparing myself mentally for what may be in store.

Over the next five days I became the main care provider for these children while their father tended to Fran at the hospital. She in fact did have a heart attack, a dissection of her coronary artery an extremely rare attack that occurs during pregnancy or early post pregnancy. It was easy enough to take off work. The eldest girl went to kindergarten each day, immediately ward members volunteered themselves to take the 4 yr old and 2 yr old during the day times. I stayed home with the babes, did laundry, cleaned house, and helped set a schedule of care that the family would need in the weeks following.

Say what you will about organized religion, but if nothing it’s organized. It was unbelievable how quickly people came to the aid of Fran and her family. People were signing up to do laundry, keep the older kids, drive kids to preschool, take them to dance, cook meals, clean house, buy formula, stay with Fran at the hospital, stay with her during the day, night duty with the twins, you name it and it was offered. In fact at one point I contacted the compassionate service leader and asked her to send an email out to ask people to stop calling! So many people were calling I couldn’t get anything done. What a blessing to be a member of an organization full of people who so selflessly give of their time, talents, and resources. The majority of my ward is comprised of young married students who like Fran, like to have babies. These families easily could have felt compassion for Fran’s situation but rightfully been engrossed in their own day to day duties of raising a busy young family. Instead moms of three took upon two extras for the day, moms on tight budgets provided meals, moms without enough spaces in their own cars pawned off their children to neighbors in order to fit additional kids in their cars, dads who had been busy all day in class and work came over and fed infants, and busy working friends smuggled me in supplies of caffeine after I had gone 36 hours without and was working off very limited sleep. If nothing it was awe-inspiring. It was humbling, faith promoting, and filled me with a great gratitude, respect, and compassion for a group of people whom I otherwise wouldn’t have necessarily learned to appreciate and love.

I could not have completed the undertakings of the house and twins without them. I was amazed at the way the Lord buoyed me up. I had intense clarity of thought in organizing the details, mapping out the daily schedules. I had amazing alertness in tending to the twins throughout the night and energy to spare in the morning waking up the girls, dressing them for school, and getting them out for the day. I truly had strength beyond my own. This was not me, it could not have been. I knew that my ability to remain focused, strong, and vigilant was because of the prayers of others, and I was clearly being used as tool in the hand of the Lord.

One thing Fran is known for is her belief in the “tender mercies of the Lord”. She speaks of them often in her life and her faith certainly allows them to be manifest continually. She has spoken of them privately to me, in her Sunday lessons, and in teaching her children. Throughout last week the Spirit spoke to my heart of the tender mercies of the Lord. I knew that Fran’s faith had once again allowed for tender mercies.

The cardiologist said this type of heart attack is very rare, found in 1:100,000 women and in 70% the diagnosis occurs at autopsy. A tender mercy, her survival a miracle. Doctors tribute her survival to the ibuprofen she took at the onset of the pains in her arm. Also, to the fact that she did not need a c-section which potentially could have caused the heart attack earlier killing her and the babies, or causing her to bleed out during the treatment of the heart attack post delivery. I tribute her survival to this family's faith in a plan greater than their own.

It’s impossible to count or even list all of the tender mercies experienced over the past week but some that I keep rethinking over and over again include the prompting to originally go over Monday night prior, the fact that I was there the night of the attack and could attend to the babies and knew where to find the formula, the ability to take care of the kids, and the service from the ward members. It’s overwhelming to think about. I am so thankful that the Lord allowed me to be a part of these blessings, to witness these tender mercies, to be in this place at this time and build a relationship with such an amazing family.

My faith in the work and word of the Lord and in His plan are immeasurably strengthened. Now I not only hear Fran’s voice speaking of tender mercies but I feel them for myself and know them in my own life. In rereading Elder Bednar’s words “I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are available to all of us and that the Redeemer of Israel is eager to bestow such gifts upon us.” I find an increased desire to live in way to always be worthy of such gifts, to always be able to discern the tender mercies of the Lord in my life.