Put Some South in Your Mouth
Apparently my streak of horrifically bad karma has ended, in a big way. For several months now I have obsessed over meeting Paula Deen and her deliciously adorable sons on my trip to Savannah. Basically every time I mentioned meeting them I was mocked and reassured that everybody wants to eat at The Lady & Sons and meet the crew. It is true, while in Savannah this week I heard many people talk about how they'd love to meet her. And if they had gone down to Congress street on Thursday like I did.
And waited in this line for 3 hours like I did.
Then they could have met Paula at the grand opening of the Paula Deen store, like I did.
And while they waited in line they could have made desperate attempts to make eye contact with Bobby, the precious single one, and have his friend notice like I did.
Then he would turn, wink, smile, and pose for you to take the picture like I did.
And then because you had an instant connection like I did. When you get to the front of the line to meet the momma, like I did. You can ask to take a picture with the boys, like I did.
Then you can obsess about it the rest of the day and text a million people like I did. Or show your waiter at the restaurant your pictures, like I did. And be so giddy that you pose with the menu like I did.
And of course enjoy the food so much you go back a second day, like I did. But at least I didn't kiss my pie like she did!
for DLF
blog writing of our dear friend DanaLee, 1975-2010.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Aug 8, 2007
The Great Kidney Swap of '07
Tomorrow is the big day. The one where my brother gives his kidney to his wife. Is my family altruistic or what? I am trying not to be all selfish and bitter because of course they are getting tons of attention with it being a life altering surgery and everything. But to be honest, I am feeling a little like the forgotten child. I mean my evil older sister is getting all sorts of attention cause she went and lost 100 lbs, David gives away a kidney and everybody is like "ohhh, wow, poor you", and Stumpy knocks up his wife and you'd think she was the first women to give birth ever. I had hopes that meeting Paula and Boys would rank, but so far only one person in my family has even acknowledged the pictures, and she didn't even know who Paula Deen was. As if!
Maybe I will work on having a scandalous interaction with a hot single doctor while waiting around in the hospital for the next few days. That ought to be worth something wouldn't you think?
And just to clarify as to not have people leaving comments of how I am going to hell for being jealous over a kidney transplant and birth of a baby, sarcasm is really the way I cope. To prove myself otherwise, check out the essentials I purchased for Stumpy-ette at Old Navy. How perfect is the time for them to start this line?
(more fox baby clothes)
I don't have a way yet to prove my non really going to hell behavior in regards to the kidney swapping, but maybe while I am crammed into the pleather, rock hard waiting chairs at the hospital I will take some photos of my truly selfless acts of sisterhood, like me eating hospital food or something.
Tomorrow is the big day. The one where my brother gives his kidney to his wife. Is my family altruistic or what? I am trying not to be all selfish and bitter because of course they are getting tons of attention with it being a life altering surgery and everything. But to be honest, I am feeling a little like the forgotten child. I mean my evil older sister is getting all sorts of attention cause she went and lost 100 lbs, David gives away a kidney and everybody is like "ohhh, wow, poor you", and Stumpy knocks up his wife and you'd think she was the first women to give birth ever. I had hopes that meeting Paula and Boys would rank, but so far only one person in my family has even acknowledged the pictures, and she didn't even know who Paula Deen was. As if!
Maybe I will work on having a scandalous interaction with a hot single doctor while waiting around in the hospital for the next few days. That ought to be worth something wouldn't you think?
And just to clarify as to not have people leaving comments of how I am going to hell for being jealous over a kidney transplant and birth of a baby, sarcasm is really the way I cope. To prove myself otherwise, check out the essentials I purchased for Stumpy-ette at Old Navy. How perfect is the time for them to start this line?
(more fox baby clothes)
I don't have a way yet to prove my non really going to hell behavior in regards to the kidney swapping, but maybe while I am crammed into the pleather, rock hard waiting chairs at the hospital I will take some photos of my truly selfless acts of sisterhood, like me eating hospital food or something.
Aug 9, 2007
So Far So Good
Out of boredom, which in reality is a good thing, I may be posting a lot today. I have started a list of rather random comments I am hearing here in the surgical waiting room. If it gets to good to share I will go ahead and post those.
My brother, Dave, is now in the recovery area. They had anticipated giving his left kidney to Missy and told us the surgery would take about 90 minutes. After 2.5 hours my mother was crawling the walls and looking more like Mad Eye Mooney than any good southern momma should. I have never seen her move faster when our pager finally went off. Apparently Dave's surgery took longer because when they started gutting him, they found his left kidney has two tubes that drain the urine, making that the better kidney to leave inside him. It apparently is trickier to remove the right kidney hence the reason the entire procedure took longer than anticipated. I sort of imagined the doctors getting all frustrated looking over blue prints of a body and having to readjust their positions over my brother while he lay there filleted like a fish. But the good news is they are now attaching his right kidney inside Missy. If all goes well she should be out in a few hours. In the mean time I am continuing to look for ways to entertain myself and by entertain myself I mean walking around looking sassy yet confused in the hopes that some hot single doctor offers his help, whereby we strike up a conversation and instantly fall madly in love. We could have kidney cake toppers at the wedding as to always remember the precious circumstances that brought us together, tender eh?
Out of boredom, which in reality is a good thing, I may be posting a lot today. I have started a list of rather random comments I am hearing here in the surgical waiting room. If it gets to good to share I will go ahead and post those.
My brother, Dave, is now in the recovery area. They had anticipated giving his left kidney to Missy and told us the surgery would take about 90 minutes. After 2.5 hours my mother was crawling the walls and looking more like Mad Eye Mooney than any good southern momma should. I have never seen her move faster when our pager finally went off. Apparently Dave's surgery took longer because when they started gutting him, they found his left kidney has two tubes that drain the urine, making that the better kidney to leave inside him. It apparently is trickier to remove the right kidney hence the reason the entire procedure took longer than anticipated. I sort of imagined the doctors getting all frustrated looking over blue prints of a body and having to readjust their positions over my brother while he lay there filleted like a fish. But the good news is they are now attaching his right kidney inside Missy. If all goes well she should be out in a few hours. In the mean time I am continuing to look for ways to entertain myself and by entertain myself I mean walking around looking sassy yet confused in the hopes that some hot single doctor offers his help, whereby we strike up a conversation and instantly fall madly in love. We could have kidney cake toppers at the wedding as to always remember the precious circumstances that brought us together, tender eh?
Aug 9, 2007
Gerber Daisies Are My Favorite
So as it turns out I wasn't so much having good vacation karma as it was the calm before the storm. The past two weeks have been so insanely hectic and full of stress and drama that I have routinely been pinching myself convinced that at any moment I would be waking up from the world's worst nightmare.
For those who have been asking all has gone well post recovery from the Great Kidney Swap of '07. Missy's new kidney is flushing and filtering and her creatinine levels are the best they have been in about 4 years. So hooray for a thus far productive kidney swap.
This is actually a photo taken the night before the surgery. I didn't take any while she was in ICU because seriously, if someone took my picture looking like that I would have them hunted down and killed in the most brutal manner possible. I do know where to draw the line people, at least most of the time.
I do have a few tips for anyone who may be helping a loved one through this process in the future.
1. Whatever is your vice or guilty pleasure that gets you through difficult times, stock up on lots of it. When you think you have plenty, buy more. You will never have too much highly caffeinated beverage with crushed ice, indulgent supply of candy, or past issues of People to get you through the long hours and nights in the hospital. You might be tempted to think those long hours and nights are all about the actual person getting the kidney but if you aren't happy and calm it's really hard to keep them happy and calm.
2. Forget looking cute and go for comfort. Having the foresight of spending multiple days in the hospital with the potential of meeting single and soon to be wealthy doctors I packed outfits that would show off how lovely I would look at country club gatherings. Stupid. Seriously, I now know why scrubs were invented.
3. Speaking of scrubs pay attention to them. From my highly scientific research I found that those nurses who dress in fun whimsical prints will be your friend. They will sneak you into the snack closet, let you in before visiting time, let you stay past visiting time, and will hook you up with a cozy blanket when you're freezing your grits off because the one with the new kidney insists that her room be cold enough to cause a snow storm. The ones wearing solid colored boring scrubs are all about rules and regulations. They don't answer questions. They don't like you, the patient, or the fact that make jokes about wishing you had a morphine pump. Avoid these nurses but be careful they smell fear and will use it against you.
As if running all over the hospital for a week wasn't enough drama this past week nearly sent me over the edge. We had our beginning of the year staff meetings which includes all of our staff across the entire state. This year we are celebrating our 20th anniversary so I was on the committee for the big celebration dinner. I was in charge of creating a slide show with pictures from the past 20 years set to music. Not a problem, I had the ability to make it. I did it. It was tender and sure to bring tears and laughter. Except I woke up Monday morning with the plan to burn it to a CD and head into the office but that never happened. For whatever buggy reason I could NEVER get it to burn correctly. I had put way to much time and effort into this slide show to just give up. I spent about an hour with tech support for the people who make the program, I called techy people, I prayed for the computer. Seriously, I saw Legacy*. If the Lord could heal that ox, I figured my computer wasn't to far fetched. I tried everything.
Finally after hours of frustration and panic I unplugged my entire desktop, loaded into my car, and took it to work. On my way to the office I contacted a friend who gave me some ideas to try and get the file from my desk top to the laptop for that night's presentation. After spending another 2 hours at work trying those ideas I gave up. So just as a recap, I took apart my desk top, loaded into my car, unloaded it at the office, hooked it up, took it back apart and loaded it back into my car, unloaded it at the location of the anniversary dinner, put it back together, took it back apart and loaded it back into my car to take home, and got home to unload it and put it back together on my desk. I am so buying a laptop.
All of that for a 13 minute slide show. I spent more hours trying to get that damn thing burned to a CD than I spent actually putting it together. The wasted time wouldn't have bothered me so much except that I desperately needed those hours to work on the four hour training that I was responsible for giving the staff on Wednesday morning. To make Monday even more FANTASTIC, I arrived home that night around 10:00 walked into my house to find it FLOODED. Enter melt down mode. I was already completely exhausted from the week before, additional exhaustion from the panic and stress of the morning's antics, freaking out because I had not been able to work on my presentation, and now there was an inch of water in my entry way and laundry room, and my carpet about 5 feet into my living room and hallway were soaked.
The maintenance crew claimed it was from the power washing the outside of the building that day. This would be the second (and not last) time I have arrived home to find such a glorious welcome home. The first time they claimed it was a really heavy rain storm. I could never quite figure it out, but whatever. The next day they sent someone over to suck up the water and clean the carpet. I still had to deal with the damage but things could always be worse.
Oh yes, they can be worse. Here is where it gets super fun. I picked up what I thought was a cold staying in the hospital. Makes sense being around all those germs. The cold turned out to be more of a severe allergy flair up triggering my asthma in a big way. Seeing as how when my asthma is triggered I can't breathe and all, and cough like a girl refusing her TB meds, and as always I start to lose my voice I was thrilled. Even with my inhaler I find the more I talk the more I cough and the more I cough the faster I lose my voice. Well, you might recall several raging paragraphs ago I mentioned I was doing a F.O.U.R. H.O.U.R. training for the entire staff on Wednesday. Via nothing short of a miracle not only did I find the hours in the day to finish preparing my presentation but I actually made it through the presentation without hacking up a lung or collapsing into heap on the floor while turning blue and praying for the angel of mercy to relieve me from this mortal tomb called earth. I did eventually lose my voice but thankfully it happened after the presentation.
After a highly eventful few days I was really looking forward to a relaxing weekend. I came home Friday evening around 7 to find my home flooded again. Who power washes the same building twice in a week? After chucking my purse across the room and stomping around using every creative four letter word I could spew out of my barely audible voice I called maintenance. I mean honestly twice in one week this was more than ridiculous. Thankfully by 9:00 they had someone back out to suck the water out of the carpet again and this week they will be washed again. Nothing like musty wet carpet to help a woman in respiratory distress. I think based on the letter I have written to the management I might get slightly more than my carpets cleaned as compensation this go around.
So there you have it. The insanity that is my so called life. The reason why I currently look like a zombie, have serious black bags under my eyes, and deserve for someone to send me flowers to work just because they love me and I am great. Not that I am dropping any hints or anything.
* For the record I am in no way endorsing the viewing of this movie. In fact, this movie shames me and my religion. If you like it, I don't want to hear about it. If I never see this movie again, it will be Zion to me.
So as it turns out I wasn't so much having good vacation karma as it was the calm before the storm. The past two weeks have been so insanely hectic and full of stress and drama that I have routinely been pinching myself convinced that at any moment I would be waking up from the world's worst nightmare.
For those who have been asking all has gone well post recovery from the Great Kidney Swap of '07. Missy's new kidney is flushing and filtering and her creatinine levels are the best they have been in about 4 years. So hooray for a thus far productive kidney swap.
This is actually a photo taken the night before the surgery. I didn't take any while she was in ICU because seriously, if someone took my picture looking like that I would have them hunted down and killed in the most brutal manner possible. I do know where to draw the line people, at least most of the time.
I do have a few tips for anyone who may be helping a loved one through this process in the future.
1. Whatever is your vice or guilty pleasure that gets you through difficult times, stock up on lots of it. When you think you have plenty, buy more. You will never have too much highly caffeinated beverage with crushed ice, indulgent supply of candy, or past issues of People to get you through the long hours and nights in the hospital. You might be tempted to think those long hours and nights are all about the actual person getting the kidney but if you aren't happy and calm it's really hard to keep them happy and calm.
2. Forget looking cute and go for comfort. Having the foresight of spending multiple days in the hospital with the potential of meeting single and soon to be wealthy doctors I packed outfits that would show off how lovely I would look at country club gatherings. Stupid. Seriously, I now know why scrubs were invented.
3. Speaking of scrubs pay attention to them. From my highly scientific research I found that those nurses who dress in fun whimsical prints will be your friend. They will sneak you into the snack closet, let you in before visiting time, let you stay past visiting time, and will hook you up with a cozy blanket when you're freezing your grits off because the one with the new kidney insists that her room be cold enough to cause a snow storm. The ones wearing solid colored boring scrubs are all about rules and regulations. They don't answer questions. They don't like you, the patient, or the fact that make jokes about wishing you had a morphine pump. Avoid these nurses but be careful they smell fear and will use it against you.
As if running all over the hospital for a week wasn't enough drama this past week nearly sent me over the edge. We had our beginning of the year staff meetings which includes all of our staff across the entire state. This year we are celebrating our 20th anniversary so I was on the committee for the big celebration dinner. I was in charge of creating a slide show with pictures from the past 20 years set to music. Not a problem, I had the ability to make it. I did it. It was tender and sure to bring tears and laughter. Except I woke up Monday morning with the plan to burn it to a CD and head into the office but that never happened. For whatever buggy reason I could NEVER get it to burn correctly. I had put way to much time and effort into this slide show to just give up. I spent about an hour with tech support for the people who make the program, I called techy people, I prayed for the computer. Seriously, I saw Legacy*. If the Lord could heal that ox, I figured my computer wasn't to far fetched. I tried everything.
Finally after hours of frustration and panic I unplugged my entire desktop, loaded into my car, and took it to work. On my way to the office I contacted a friend who gave me some ideas to try and get the file from my desk top to the laptop for that night's presentation. After spending another 2 hours at work trying those ideas I gave up. So just as a recap, I took apart my desk top, loaded into my car, unloaded it at the office, hooked it up, took it back apart and loaded it back into my car, unloaded it at the location of the anniversary dinner, put it back together, took it back apart and loaded it back into my car to take home, and got home to unload it and put it back together on my desk. I am so buying a laptop.
All of that for a 13 minute slide show. I spent more hours trying to get that damn thing burned to a CD than I spent actually putting it together. The wasted time wouldn't have bothered me so much except that I desperately needed those hours to work on the four hour training that I was responsible for giving the staff on Wednesday morning. To make Monday even more FANTASTIC, I arrived home that night around 10:00 walked into my house to find it FLOODED. Enter melt down mode. I was already completely exhausted from the week before, additional exhaustion from the panic and stress of the morning's antics, freaking out because I had not been able to work on my presentation, and now there was an inch of water in my entry way and laundry room, and my carpet about 5 feet into my living room and hallway were soaked.
The maintenance crew claimed it was from the power washing the outside of the building that day. This would be the second (and not last) time I have arrived home to find such a glorious welcome home. The first time they claimed it was a really heavy rain storm. I could never quite figure it out, but whatever. The next day they sent someone over to suck up the water and clean the carpet. I still had to deal with the damage but things could always be worse.
Oh yes, they can be worse. Here is where it gets super fun. I picked up what I thought was a cold staying in the hospital. Makes sense being around all those germs. The cold turned out to be more of a severe allergy flair up triggering my asthma in a big way. Seeing as how when my asthma is triggered I can't breathe and all, and cough like a girl refusing her TB meds, and as always I start to lose my voice I was thrilled. Even with my inhaler I find the more I talk the more I cough and the more I cough the faster I lose my voice. Well, you might recall several raging paragraphs ago I mentioned I was doing a F.O.U.R. H.O.U.R. training for the entire staff on Wednesday. Via nothing short of a miracle not only did I find the hours in the day to finish preparing my presentation but I actually made it through the presentation without hacking up a lung or collapsing into heap on the floor while turning blue and praying for the angel of mercy to relieve me from this mortal tomb called earth. I did eventually lose my voice but thankfully it happened after the presentation.
After a highly eventful few days I was really looking forward to a relaxing weekend. I came home Friday evening around 7 to find my home flooded again. Who power washes the same building twice in a week? After chucking my purse across the room and stomping around using every creative four letter word I could spew out of my barely audible voice I called maintenance. I mean honestly twice in one week this was more than ridiculous. Thankfully by 9:00 they had someone back out to suck the water out of the carpet again and this week they will be washed again. Nothing like musty wet carpet to help a woman in respiratory distress. I think based on the letter I have written to the management I might get slightly more than my carpets cleaned as compensation this go around.
So there you have it. The insanity that is my so called life. The reason why I currently look like a zombie, have serious black bags under my eyes, and deserve for someone to send me flowers to work just because they love me and I am great. Not that I am dropping any hints or anything.
* For the record I am in no way endorsing the viewing of this movie. In fact, this movie shames me and my religion. If you like it, I don't want to hear about it. If I never see this movie again, it will be Zion to me.
Aug 21, 2007
Desperado, Why Don't You Come to Your Senses?
Her: How are you, Ms Deen?
Me: Still dreaming of an afternoon spent feeding Bobby grits while I caress his sweet southern skin.
Her: lol
Me: I know, I need a life.
Her: No, no don't lose your fantasies!
Me: Girl, I am 32, single, and Mormon. My fantasies are all I have.
Her: lol
Her: How are you, Ms Deen?
Me: Still dreaming of an afternoon spent feeding Bobby grits while I caress his sweet southern skin.
Her: lol
Me: I know, I need a life.
Her: No, no don't lose your fantasies!
Me: Girl, I am 32, single, and Mormon. My fantasies are all I have.
Her: lol
Aug. 22, 2007
Only a Mother's Love
Mom: Good news. I no longer have sleep apnea. However my legs twitch 500 times a night because of RLS. Your brother and sister have it too.
Me: Great. Well, maybe I have dad's insides and will avoid it.
Mom: You definitely have his outsides. I wonder if RLS would be easier?
Me: Did you just call me ugly?
Mom: No, just think I am prettier than your father.
Me: Thanks. I can just blame my spinsterhood on looking like a man.
Mom: Not a man, just looking like the Fox's.
Me: ...............
Mom: Good news. I no longer have sleep apnea. However my legs twitch 500 times a night because of RLS. Your brother and sister have it too.
Me: Great. Well, maybe I have dad's insides and will avoid it.
Mom: You definitely have his outsides. I wonder if RLS would be easier?
Me: Did you just call me ugly?
Mom: No, just think I am prettier than your father.
Me: Thanks. I can just blame my spinsterhood on looking like a man.
Mom: Not a man, just looking like the Fox's.
Me: ...............
Aug 28, 2007
Because I am self obsessed, what can I say?
Apparently the children's clothing gods are smiling down on the procreation abilities of Stumpy and Smurfette. I already dropped a load at Old Navy with these darlings. Now Gymboree has joined in the fun. I am not usually a fan of the Gym, but how on earth could these be passed up?
(fox bib)
Totally justifiable, I didn't buy a bib for the babe yet.
(fox blanket)
Yeah, yeah I bought the ON blanket, but the baby will need at least two so she still has one when the other is being washed. So justifiable.
(fox hoodie)
And please, we can't let her ears freeze off in these ridiculously harsh NC winters. I mean this just isn't a gift of a hoodie it's practically emergency preparedness.
(fox sox)
And don't think for one second that I could have possibly passed on these babies. For the love, I am the queen of emergent literacy! How could we not have Fox in Socks?
In order to satisfy my every wish I still hope to purchase this piece. I will have to see if my local store has it in stock.
It's hard to believe she'll be arriving in just two months. Based on Smurfette's appearance this weekend I am not quite sure how she'll make it. At this point if she arrives early I most likely could keep my role as the favorite auntie and not have to be her favorite early interventionist. But for everyone's sake let's hope she just holds tight until fall. Besides, I wouldn't wish anyone to arrive in this blasted heat wave. Not mention that then she wouldn't be the right sizes at the right seasons for all of these precious clothes I have bought her.
Apparently the children's clothing gods are smiling down on the procreation abilities of Stumpy and Smurfette. I already dropped a load at Old Navy with these darlings. Now Gymboree has joined in the fun. I am not usually a fan of the Gym, but how on earth could these be passed up?
(fox bib)
Totally justifiable, I didn't buy a bib for the babe yet.
(fox blanket)
Yeah, yeah I bought the ON blanket, but the baby will need at least two so she still has one when the other is being washed. So justifiable.
(fox hoodie)
And please, we can't let her ears freeze off in these ridiculously harsh NC winters. I mean this just isn't a gift of a hoodie it's practically emergency preparedness.
(fox sox)
And don't think for one second that I could have possibly passed on these babies. For the love, I am the queen of emergent literacy! How could we not have Fox in Socks?
In order to satisfy my every wish I still hope to purchase this piece. I will have to see if my local store has it in stock.
It's hard to believe she'll be arriving in just two months. Based on Smurfette's appearance this weekend I am not quite sure how she'll make it. At this point if she arrives early I most likely could keep my role as the favorite auntie and not have to be her favorite early interventionist. But for everyone's sake let's hope she just holds tight until fall. Besides, I wouldn't wish anyone to arrive in this blasted heat wave. Not mention that then she wouldn't be the right sizes at the right seasons for all of these precious clothes I have bought her.
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